My mother

Every man has been influenced by his mother. For the most part, she is our first contact with the fairer sex. She is instrumental in how we are raised. In this case, I hit the jackpot. I can't imagine a better mother than mine. Mother's day has just pasted and it makes me remember her. Susan G Komen run for breast cancer has just occurred and those two events go hand and hand with my mother.
My mother died of breast cancer in 1996. She was only 58 years old and retired from the federal government after 30 plus years of service. She had been retired only two years. Really sucks when you finally retire and claim all your time for yourself and then cancer takes it away. I don't believe I have still come to grips with the impact this has had on my life. I still get teary-eyed every time I think about her. It has been 15 years.
At her work she was thought of in the highest regard. She was the highest ranking civilian at Bellwood-a defense supply post in south Richmond. She is in the Defense Department Hall of Fame for her service and the day care center at Bellwood is named in honor. To say she excelled at work is an understatement. She did not have a college degree. Nowadays, I do not believe she would have been given the same opportunity. Growing up I resented her work on many occasions because she would come home, cook supper and then retire to her bedroom to do more work. She wouldn't refuse my interruptions but once I left her room, she'd go right back to her work. Her work ethic was second to none. Career-wise she was a fantastic role model.
Her personal life was a little more complicated. She married young at 19 to a man 6 years older. He was a man's man. If you wanted to have fun and live it up, he was a good choice. This man was my father. He was or became an alcoholic. This caused major upheavals in the family circle. Our family circle consisted of my parents, me, and a younger sister and brother. Needless to say, growing up around alcoholism and being in the midst of it's destruction on marriage and family was not fun. I do believe that this to some extent, drove my mother to immerse herself in her work more and more.
My mother was my rock. If I needed a shoulder to lean on, she was there. If I needed to vent about anything, she was there. If I needed money to survive, she was there. If I needed anything, she was there. In some cases I took this for granted because she always was there for me. I realized this when she died. Too late. It makes me a little goofy with my boys because I know that my journey can end at any time and I don't want to regret the time or lack of time with my boys. They don't understand this and I wouldnt have at their ages either. In your twenties you're living forever and so are your parents.
When I was 16 I was able to purchase Playboy magazines at the local 7-11. Needless to say I did not want anybody in the family to know of my collection. I hid them under mattress and in my closet. Safe and secure for sure. Well, I came home one afternoon and my mother and sister were acting very giddy. I found it very strange. They wanted me to go in my bedroom. They were beside themselves. When I entered my bedroom, all the centerfolds from all my issues were hanging on the walls of my room in their full glory. Needless to say they were laughing and thought this was great. I wasn't so enthusiastic. But, this was my mother.
As she lay dying on her bed at home before her final days in the hospital, she would talk with me about the family. Who was going to do alright and who she worried about. It wasn't about the cancer or herself, it was about the family's well being. I use to cry so much during these times that I rely my tear ducts would dry up. Losing my mother so young was the worse thing that has happened to me. I hope it remains the worse because it tore me to pieces.
I think about how lucky I have been to have my mother mine. God certainly blessed me with her. I feel privileged having her for my mother. Every day I think about her and just wish I could see and talk to her again.
I loved my "Doots"-my nickname for my mother